off a bit self-representation, because I think it has entertainment value. At least for all the sadists among you.
waking up early in the morning, coffee, shower, dress. The last look back to the still warm, fragrant bed, which was called an all night welcome. Melancholy comes to mind, that the day is just beginning. Eleven hours until you will see the bed at last. Automatically run from the forthcoming throughout the hardships like a movie in your mind, with each image is a bit more resigned, clings to coming to the last memories just before falling asleep, as that was a game yet so far away. On days that accumulate in winter, I defy and trample up to the bus stop and light a cigarette hearty. Smoking means sleep.
fog for a moment the blue haze me in, closes me off from the outside world, inspires the last bit of spite to myself, to deal with the horrors, face to face. The time to the next bright spot races nine hours at a sudden comes to me because the next-cigarette soon.
So it goes with many moments in the day, some parts in life and a few moments in the night time periods in which I am glad to No smoking. If sufficient time and money available, I would do it continuously, it could not move hand or mouth. Because we constantly need to smoking, each cigarette, which was preceded by a moment of privation, be it ever been as short as a satisfaction of a high perceived need and pent-up so as happiness.
happiness but also where the time when the stomach growls, but cook the spaghetti al dente but not quite yet have the curiosity and impatience to the approach to the meal to be an insurmountable hurdle to grow, for the cigarette before disappearance can be brought. Smoking means food. As if by magic is the endlessly long time, the impatience and hunger fizzles out as soon as the first smoke reaches the palate and nourishes him.
If nothing goes, the thoughts are still, rattle the finger at random on the keyboard, means smoke thinking. Thinking without smoke is like the sky without stars, but the purpose fulfilled but without any value. In the middle of the dark night of drinking we see only the flickering of the screen and the soft red glow next to it. The hands rest, and with them the head, the smoke into your body and pushes forward the idea. He hunts them from the brain through the belly out to the fingers until they come packaged as black letters on the screen to rest and work.
Even when I lie awake in bed at night, which accumulates in all seasons, can not sleep because my thoughts as rotating speed on a broken carousel which threatens soon to lose his horse, is going to the cigarette, the only hope. The smoke penetrates into me, surrounded the disturbing remnants of the day and eats them. Ready to sleep? Yes I am
When you visit the coffee as observed from several corners of the blue haze rises behind it to see people excited conversations hidden or buried behind mountains of paper. The smoke clears to protect it from prying eyes around, each open contact is prevented by the soft blue walls. By itself, against the rest of the world, but what they give, the smoker to understand: this state should never . End
smoking is food for the soul, the secondary air for breathing. The body is paralyzed, brought the world to silence, you have room to rest. For ten minutes I am jack of the events of the world, I take my time and return to me, leave your cares behind and enjoy life on the sidelines, the world notwithstanding. Smoking means feeling.
Rast, rebellion and resignation brings the cigarette itself. Each determines for itself what purpose it will serve. Think, eat, sleep and feel smoking is air to life.
the pleasurable romance is unfortunately interrupted by the whole time between the gray mist. Returned into this world, I throw the half usable cigarette to the ground, because the bus, though late, for me, but still too early, enters the station squeeze me between equally sleepy people and force them on my smoking world share increase. The daily thirty minutes after the morning shower, the absolutely deserted, during which I mean anyone through intrusive, almost haunting smell smoke bother. Ironically, these are also the only thirty minutes in which I meet a soul. The present abandoned my nose, is ridiculously insensitive to, to guide this refinement of my brain on.
There are evenings, there will be a Inveigled cigarette after another. They chase the cute little helpers O2 and make them from the cooking. For a long time has passed any need to smoke proper, because the drink has been empty for several minutes, your throat is dry, your throat is clamoring for water, but the smoker reaches for the next cigarette. Because the way to the lungs slowly like an ashtray, they can no longer resist, they silently dies, but the smoking remains brave. The head registered by the end of the evening in each train, the lungs breathing and the cigarette only causes a Würgegefühl and although of benefit for a long time no talk can be more, not even explain such an insane addiction behavior can hold by the smoker, to the last train.
Sunday morning, on Stress, blessed art thou oh coffee and savory to the cigarette. at this point would still be a feeling in my throat there, the view would have the tobacco reservoir is unnecessary to find any more, because the infectious sore throat would be the clear indication that was owned on a Saturday night once again not a measure for what is good and that which borders close to insanity. The crumbly empty cigarette pack in there about me, breaks the hypothetical Sunday rest and drives me miles to the nearest kiosk. Slightly irritated, the cigarette smoke in front of the kiosk as itself, because the neck is after last night scandal still numb and it tastes absolutely nothing.
cigarette alone this horrible word I never could abide. Use the abbreviation, some, when I pronounced almost onomatopoeic in the tongue scraping, choking is still disgusting and almost ridiculous non-binding looseness that should resonate in this word.
For binding and fluffy is the time between the smoke before. If the time is too long, whining like a little kid, "Maaamiiiii I want, I want and that jeeetzt" If the time is too short booms the dreaded voice, "Now wait! You can not always have everything! "Because the child is not impressed by the admonitory words are difficult and louder, is ready to compromise is the head of the annoying screaming, according to the will of peace, after a short time. But as soon as the cigarette ashtray in the stinking place their last respects, exposes the fallacy as a longed-for rest, for the voice thunders now even more emphatic with loud accusations. The wily head vows once again to make it better next time to avoid the moral blame and to appease the voice.
The time between smoking is an ongoing power struggle between the needs and concerns and, although as long as the smoker smokes each of these former Fight to win, the doubts are growing louder. No wonder, the smoker off and recover from this stress with a cigarette.
perspiration, anxiety and dependency means the time between the cigarette. Each combined for all three of these vices, as there is no choice.
is interesting, especially the variety of arguments, which finds the head repeatedly to escape the admonishing voice is funny how quickly it can devalue its intent to exercise restraint, just as he declares his own opinion as irresponsible to the to be able to give Quängeln. If the time between smoking be confined to a life without a functioning lung, I could live with it. I can not live but with the lack of freedom, which carries the will to smoke with him, the thought of smoking dependence is true vice. If, as smoking cigarettes and between the various air for life would, I could really breathe.
So I'm sitting there now and finish with the text finally my time as a smoker, and above all the time in between. Although I since the day when I have gasped my first cigarette more than enjoyed, swore that burden as soon as possible to put an end, I have it, apart from a longer period of abstinence, held for eight years for battered impossible. In a few hours, or more precisely about ten seconds of my Awakening to be loud about my determination, the first question, I will pretend to me that a day more or less separate worlds is no more, I'll play with the idea to enjoy only the very last cigarette. After a few days, I will resign because of my aggression bouts almost survived this I start considering the possibility to pull back once to see how it tastes, because I will be convinced that a few cigarettes but nothing does. occur are brief moments in the cigarette because I unconsciously as the next bright spot as soon as I feel and understand why I was just packed so relieving feeling turned out to be the longed-bright spot as sadistic castle in the air. Comparable with the seconds after waking from a wonderful dream that was just a dream. The problem is not the physical addiction, but the damn conditioning!
I'm excited about the tricks that has to offer my head this time, but I am also prepared to ignore my head in the next few days as an alien excrescence.
Yes, I will miss the intense moments of togetherness. But I know the day, even if he is still several weeks away, but he will come, the day on which the silent desire for a cigarette and there is nothing to spare. Good luck. Ready to sleep.
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