Nilüfer,
Persian-Turkish:
"The lotus, the lily"
report from our readers. About everyday life in Germany's social services and the self-inflicted immaturity of social work. All names have been changed by the editors of the blog Schariagegner
It is remarkable how far is a disaster if we do not own concerns. John Steinbeck
Nilüfer
Marion Laurenburg: on a Thursday in January, it was the last of the Christmas holiday, entered my colleague and I in the morning at 8:30 the Community Center one of the two major German churches and joined the youth room. As usual in the lesson time, we wanted to meet with some of the children looked after by us for breakfast, then to start one of the popular, exciting excursions. A visit to a natural history museum was this time on the program.
we went at 10:30, 5 children, my colleague and I in a good mood and saturated, with sufficient Provisions, the ticket, cell phone and emergency kit fitted to the bus stop. Everything was well organized, public transportation was on time, was not bad and we were excited and happy mood at your destination. There in the ecological adventure garden, the eight-to ten-year students then experiment with sufficient time and opportunity, with the specially prepared physical experimental arrangements, there was the opportunity herumzumatschen with water experiments to test laws of leverage, optical illusions were presented, especially, the girls and boys impressed as untrained and stunted their perceptions were, above all in smell and taste was typical of city kids, development potential. The children were unaccustomed to this form of self-directed, experiential learning a lot of fun, the organizers have also made sure that there is enough room for romping, laughing, kicked up a row, eating and drinking remained.
After several hours we were then for an exciting, informative and fun trip and happy, but quite exhausted on the bus and were happy to be home again soon. We came on time at the destination stop. On the short walk to the town center where we wanted to end our trip, we arrived at a Kebab rotisserie over. Nilufer Yilmaz, a ten-year-old Turkish girl from our group looked through the large windows of the shop and asked me to be able to jump in quickly to greet an employee there. "This is my uncle, äääh not, uncle, äääh know, I do not like the words in German." I had seen Nilüfer and the rest of the family have often eat there, sometimes you said in passing each other. It seemed so friends or even relatives of the family to be working there. I said to it and promised to wait with the other outside.
There were no other guests there, no one blocked my peripheral vision and I could see the entrance through the window into the far corner of the cafeteria, where a strong, not very big Southerner, who was considerably older than the girl, about 35 - 40 years old, a student welcomed. When I watched the man's year-old hugged too deeply and intimately caressed her while on his back, but Nilüfer endure stiff remarkably one-sided tenderness on the left, I was suspicious and uneasy. I remember that I asked aloud, "What's going on here? What's going on? "Because it's so sexy much younger relatives or the children of neighbors or friends not welcomed.
Before my colleague was able to see what disturbed me so let the man go, the student again. To me gain a more accurate impression, I entered without consultation to talk to my colleague who was working with the supervision of the other four children, the store. Probably I was to see my anger, for no sooner had I entered the cafeteria, urged another employee of the store between the girl and me. He had a sharp kebab knife with which he had just cut meat in his hand. And stretched his arm out sideways too far, a barrier not unlike an old border crossing point. This unequivocal gesture underlined by his hateful views were clear, I should not dare come closer. To avoid endangering the girl and the child not to give a chance to easily and securely as possible to get out of the situation, I asked Nilüfer, whether they come with us to the community center, or would rather stay. She said she wanted to stay. So I left the kebab sales order with the others in the community center back and adopt the group. Then I discussed with my colleagues the experiences in the fast food restaurant and explained how to proceed from.
Josef Eppelmann: Also, my colleague was of the opinion that we had to at least consider that there be assumed that persisted for some time sexual abuse was, who was perhaps the parents Yilmaz known. As we had insufficient evidence for the existence of such an offense, my colleague and I decided, neither the parents nor the authorities inform. We wanted to observe the child further and get in touch with experts of a counseling center for sexual abuse of children and then ask for assistance. We also prompted questions. Again, our thanks for competent, sensitive support and advice to us is still of great professional and personal benefits.
Nilüfer was the second of three children of the family Yilmaz and would soon be eleven years old. She attended the last class of a small German primary school. Some of the students there took advantage of the nearby community rooms with a range of promotional lunch, homework help, tutoring and recreational game, which was quite busy multicultural. Also Nilüfer twelve and a half year old brother Serkan, in test stage of secondary school, was like herself for a time 3-4 times weekly into the community center until he turns with his second sister, Serpil, the five-year-old baby of the Yilmaz, good for three months was given by my colleague professionally experienced individual instruction. Twice a week for three hours she was at that time visiting with the family, we knew the conditions of life that is quite good. It was in the Yilmaz not be a devout, but very traditional and educated family, it was out of the Koran and the textbooks of children do not read, not even a TV guide lay on the coffee table.
The daughter-parent relationship, including that of the other children was characterized by respect and fear of punishment. Once was my colleague who was in the same room, not prevent Nilüfer got from the mother for an annulment a bright slap in the face, so that the fingers were portrayed on the face for several minutes. The child had tears in his eyes, but she did not dare to cry.
appeared a few weeks later the girl with a folded into a triangle tiny and poppy red Nicki cloth on the street, which was tied at the back together and plenty of silly looked, but the pretty dark brown and shoulder length hair, backwards let it look far . That was her way of dealing with the mother's statement, the future outside of the house a headscarf worn.
Laurenburg: Shortly after the new year but the hair of the Ten Years' was always completely covered. The group rules accordingly, she moved as they enter the youth area of the headscarf in order to tie it again when leaving. Because they forgot is often suggested there was trouble at home. As is common in similarly structured patriarchal milieu, did not have the basic student allowance. ask for each chewing gum, every magazine, every pencil, she had her brother's permission. A twelve year old boy who had the power to decide whether the request of his two years younger sister graciously give in or you stop a despot to buy something, just imagine how the character of the adolescent macho impressed.
home the girl was accustomed to herzuräumen behind her brother. So they had to, for example, the place where he sat and Serkan never left tidy, wipe, dress, which he scattered everywhere, they had to leave in the closet. When the sisters went back home together after school, the ten-year-old was wearing his school bag in addition to their own. She wore then stop releases two packs, one head bigger brother had his hands. Already ten years ago, the girl had to find the Homework help Yilmaz mother in the home and often take care of the younger sister. While her brother divides his free time as it pleased him, he arranged to meet with who he was, was that of his sister not to. As Mrs Karagözlü will confirm, is the traditional Turkish families are not uncommon.
accustomed How did Nilufer Yilmaz three to four times a week for learning support, also on the leisure activities for girls, she had a lot of joy. On various occasions we noticed during the tutoring lessons in repeating of the curriculum is not age-appropriate manners and language in connection with educational content of sex education on. While about the same to other students explained to lay giggling and around print send in the topic, said cold Nilüfer. "I know looks like a penis" Sometimes she mentioned casually that in this night with her aunt Nilgün, Mrs. Yilmaz would stay sister , at my request, whether it was looking forward to more from me forever, or changed the subject. Soon we noticed how the girl became more silent, hardly talking, not even with the other children. In early March, we noted that Nilüfer Aksen, a Turkish one year younger classmate from the group and daughter of an imam, to the side and pulled whispered to her that she had to her a secret.
Nilüfer While in general was very quiet and still other children and we were shunned, the two girls now in close contact. They constantly had to whisper mysteriously during breaks or on the way home. Something special seemed imminent, what seemed to be looking forward to Nilüfer. As the two spoke Turkish, we understood a word. When I asked what was wrong, that she was so upset, she told her family briefly in a large, five-day festival was imminent. "I do not know how to say in German, then I wear a beautiful Dress. There is good food, we celebrate and get my grandparents, and relatives in Turkey. "
I was surprised that Nilüfer continue Saturday for group of girls came, even though they signed up for a sports AG in school and repeatedly told was that it would soon cease. Apparently she liked it better than to tinker and natter while training to sweat. Of course I was happy about it, especially as I had hoped to win at casual games and having fun rather the confidence of a lot for her age too thoughtful, serious and sad acting girl. I succeeded but not in the desired Degree. Aksen then began to appear less and less unfounded. On request, she said embarrassed "I practice now with my big brother." The brother but we all knew would never bother with his little sister. That would have been beneath his dignity. Then Aksen adopted definitively from the group. In Nilüfer was very sad, she withdrew even more and began to change physically.
The student developed a huge appetite for food and sweets and stuffed randomly into himself, never abandoned when the other group members or chocolate bars like sugar cookies was offered. Often it was because of trouble with the brother, who she teased because of their appetite. Serkan had to be tinny pencil case several times, "şişlik" written, which may mean something like "swelling, swelling, swelling. Nilüfer became increasingly sad secreted, from the other as more and more if they also always looking for my neighborhood, which was usually very much alone. The girl was chubby. Sometimes it was bad. Of course, this does not come from something like that, I thought, and asked the child at least not to eat so much candy.
One warm spring afternoon was Nilüfer even before the entrance of the community center, waiting for us. I fell on this beautiful day in particular on how quiet and depressed she was sitting on the wall. Previously she was running toward us and had called out: ". Hello." I'm the first, I'm the fastest "This Tuesday there was only enough for an indifferent when I the ten-year-old girl was standing outside the front door of the Page saw coming, I thought my eyes to trust. Like a little ball in front of her bulging belly. I tried to have me on anything.
Eppelmann: We closed up and went inside. The girl followed us with drooping shoulders, his head bowed, sat down at her place and started with their homework. Again, we noticed that the child, as lately always made sure to sit alone at the table. Was not possible, they had only girls sitting next to him and placed the briefcase between them and the neighboring students. When asked about this by my colleague, said the year-old: "I can concentrate better." It is striking how the student is secreted by the other children. Once it was then a boy of about the same but managed to persuade them to a table tennis game I have heard the Ten years after a long laugh again. It was shocking how the child was changing.
Laurenburg: If Nilüfer earlier in the breaks in the whole house where they knew his way around well, jumping around everywhere, it was now not a step without assistance. Even the toilet she would not go alone, I had to promise her to wait outside the door until they came out. A little later I asked Nilüfer after class to stay. I told her in confidence that I had noticed how they've changed in a short time and asked them if they feel sick. She shook his head and said she was fine. As the student while dodging me with his eyes, I asked if there was a problem at home. She shook her head sadly. My next question was whether because something had happened at school. As she began to cry and told me that would Aksen, the daughter of the Imam, talk to them in the community center and probably also in the school breaks very often been together, was no longer with her and play and have even banned other Muslim girls to talk with and Nilüfer or busy.
She reported that Aksen so disgusting behaving since they are no tuition group came into the community center. In absence of this primary school, as in many others, is unfortunately common for Muslim children go to German classmates outside school events out of the way, was Aksens former best friend during recess and on the way to school, always alone. No reason was given the daughter of the Imam not want to or can. The class teacher had already asked Nilüfer for help, they got sent away without hearing it on the grounds that it did not have time right now. Later, the student had not dared to address the teacher. I tried to comfort the ten-year-old, she confirmed that Aksen behave very mean and I was also disappointed and she offered to mediate in the dispute. Nilüfer took my offer of thanks.
Eppelmann: In these days I spoke to my colleague: "Tell me, what are you thinking of the girl?" I also noticed that had a remarkable Nilüfer pointed arched forward and belly in the lateral silhouette looked quite pregnant. What we of course take several days would not. Together with the counseling center, we devised a plan to help Nilüfer. It was already mid-April and the belly of the girl was getting thicker. My colleague said two independent working women in the parish hall to who knew the girl well. First, the teacher: "Have you ever Nilüfer viewed from the side?", Also said this: "The child is pregnant. Has it been only fourteen or thirteen? "" No, Nilüfer is ten! "" There is no such thing. Yes, the child is pregnant, as a grandmother I can tell. The way it goes, as she bends down, as it protects the stomach, it moves like a pregnant woman, which is anthropologically, the do expectant mothers around the world so this girl I know from my time in Brazil. White, the pastor decision yet? "
A second in the community center occupied mid-fifties Erin, happy nature, a mother of four children and grandmother of three grandchildren, was the tutor who is also a mother, with a "Will you just with down?" under one pretext accompanied in the youth room, where she few minutes in the crowded room with five children stayed, including Nilüfer. The children were on a break. She talked as usual about the weather and entertaining her grandchildren and left the room shortly thereafter. About two hours later, the adults gathered on the terrace. This second employee of the municipality said the tutor directly: "I know why you really have lured down. Who is pregnant, right? "" Yes. In fourth grade, "" Is it more time sitting still? Did she repeated several times? "" Yes. The girl is ten years old. "" That may not be true. And what are you doing now? "" I will turn the youth office. And inform the pastor. The time is not a pleasant conversation, but I must be good. "
Even the pastor. belong to three women who as mothers and even grandmothers credibility, their own body of experience and life experience in a nearly eleven-year old girl, were Nilüfer for several weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, two of these Mitwisserinnen who knew the child personally concerned about ten weeks, the physical change of the girl registered, so to speak with the pastor hired in any event at the church services. These two took the Reverend special "pastoral care" and undertook before it by a working procedure to discuss the case, never, that is, to say the future no longer the girl had personally been estimated to be pregnant.
"I gave each of them an official statement, to say nothing more about the case, Nilüfer, with anybody, "said the pastor to call us. This approach could be described as influencing witnesses. The two women were and are existentially dependent on the pastor. Reverend therefore urged to conceal two women ever to have seen a pregnant child. We have thus two contact persons less, the two women at least we have to date not responded to the facts. Once a quarter you can see to the topic, however, diverge from Nilüfer we all.
Laurenburg: In the following weeks, the ministers anxious, any traces of the girl to a reference to the community center could point to blur. Several times he ran between the youth office, church and primary school back and forth, eager to absorb all the information and pass that helped back to the community center in the right light. He did not shy away, show the ten-year-old victim as a notorious liar, because he had heard "from a reliable source" that the child often fibs. A in this phase of development itself unproblematic under circumstances not so rare practice.
Eppelmann: The other reason students and primary school students realized age-appropriate naive and dreamy, fortunately, absolutely nothing, pregnancy of a child is for them obviously and thankfully not part of their everyday world. A fourteen-year-olds, however, spoke to my colleague: "Tell me, the Nilüfer is pregnant, looks like my mother, on the road than my brother?" "That seems to be, to me is the stomach noticed" "That is. much too young. What do you do now, as it will go with her? "" I'll have to turn the youth office. . Please talk with anyone from the group of children about it "" Ok, sure. "
Laurenburg: on a Saturday, the girl group session was over, it was all cleaned and rinsed and the kids wanted to go home, one of the girls came up with a stupid idea. She wanted to make fun of Nilüfer anxiety and said excitedly: "There in the corner is a man" The next moment, staring Nilüfer me not stir, her eyes wide and mouth, it's white as a sheet of assets or give a sound in the . Just because I put my arm around her and assured her that the door was locked and there but nobody is possible to go through the locked door, I managed to calm the girl.
more days passed. Nilüfer belly was getting thicker. Strangers on the street stopped and looked after us when we went to the girl through the marketplace. The child had been abandoned trains, spotty clothes, often they came far too early for the group time or tuition, although they had to expect that the door was locked. If the teacher was right there that the student was allowed to help her.
Nilüfer class teacher was able to change their behavior and the increasingly thicker potbelly of Viertklässlerin have not overlooked. The teacher, whose job it actually should be to contact their students and consultant in the four years to be a very important phase of life that characterizes the attitude to lifelong learning and will affect the language development of individual personality, neither the girl nor his parents. She was at her retirement, after the fourth year they would take no longer own class and prepare for a well-deserved retirement. Now, just before the end of his professional career, she did not want a scandal. You will have ardently wished for the summer holidays. Then they would have been rid of the problem, since Nilüfer next school year would attend a secondary school. By the way you would actually have to notice that the student was enrolled at the date any such educational establishments in the area. It has succeeded as an individual to convince the rest of the Quorum of the elementary school that most of us do not even know personally, just as the pastor of which, the family had been inflicted by our "unprofessional" How severe crimes. Main complaint was that it did not before turning on the authorities, the family is one of the facts. Exactly what is considered not only dangerous for the police officer and a successful clarification of the issues referred to the child for obstructive.
Eppelmann: was probably a demand on the teacher completely. Which colleague, she could confide in? Something, child abuse and alleged pregnancy of a ten year old is in German schools do not simply provided that does not happen. Surely they could have contact with relevant advisory body, but to their lack of good courage. More importantly, in Germany supposedly qualified teachers in the face of Muslim traditionalism practiced in this country with its cultural practices from the pre-modern period not clearly act are. To an old German family would have probably ventured even to an Italian or English. In the case of Muslim immigrants or Roma clans, however, German authorities panicked change the direction of view when it comes to Bronze Age practices such as child betrothal and early marriage [1] goes. How many girls as Ghulam [2] in Europe there will be a parallel society? This too is a form of discrimination, these children have human rights.
Laurenburg: One day Nilüfer particularly reflected in the girl group. When I heard her say to a student that she wanted to jump out the window, I was wearing my representative, the group line and pulled the girl from the group to talk in another room in private with her. I told her that if you jump out the window, very painful episode in injury or death and can be very sad and desperately needs to take the risk to inflict the fall lasting damage or even kill them. Whether they would not tell me what they are oppressed, so that we can find a different solution. Then began to cry, and said that it would soon cease, not even for homework help, and it was sad. I tried to comfort that we would miss them then that they could visit us at any time and she could speak to us even in random encounters. Just in case she would have my phone number. When I asked if there are other things they oppress, they remained silent. I assured her that I would have understood that sometimes it may be that your heart is hard, but you do not talk about it at the moment can. You can always appeal to me, if you had then to talk. We then went back into the group and continued our Pottery continued. Nilüfer molded out of clay a fungus, a snake and a heart in which the initials of their names were inscribed.
When the student about a week later with a if not very deep gash appeared on the wrist, we decided to turn the youth office. The workers had, however, closing time, a phone number for emergencies outside of office hours there was not. Therefore, we called the police. An official at the headquarters of the police headquarters gave us the relevant department. The professionally experienced chief inspector, himself a father, took on the case described and strongly advised us, nothing more in this matter to do to threaten us and the child. He told us that was to start from the suspicion of child molestation, the condone the parents, at least. If even a faint idea had to be determined against them, Nilüfer would disappear and never seen again in Turkey and German authorities had no opportunity to intervene and protect the child. In the next few days, an official would make us hear the facts and the Youth Office would contact us. This was done.
First, notified the police and ordered me two days later to the Bureau. Also, the youth agreed or in the office same week a meeting with my colleagues and me. The colleague in the youth office conducted the interview with machine routine. In essence, they could tell us what we had seen, put a few questions and thought it belonged in writing. Finally, they urged us strongly to us now to retain absolute in the matter, she would take everything you need into your own hands. After the conversation, we felt while knocked out, but were also relieved to have found a more competent running mate. This should turn out to be an absolute mistake.
Eppelmann: For us, these weeks in May and June, almost unbearable, but we kept to the urgent advice of the police officers and carried on business as usual. Without the support of the counseling center for sexual abuse we would not succeed. Nilüfer still came first three times a week for homework help and Saturday in the girls group. The end of the school year and the summer holidays were approaching. The children looked forward to the holidays not only the ten-year-old Turkish girl. You once said to me that they are even better day in the community center, doing homework and studying for class work would, than to go with her parents in Turkey.
In conversation with the other children who wanted to know what school Nilüfer would visit for the next school year, turned out one day that the parents of the ten-year-old had apparently registered at any school. The student was not like the others have been with the various information sessions to be with her mother to see some schools or even to register with a specific. The ten-year-old said to my astonished question that they also do not notice a school got, they welcomed as a future student. The mother said to her question, she should not worry, it was all right.
Since the procedure of the usual change of school in Germany, the Serkan Yilmaz by her son must have known that her son visited already the 6th Class in high school, made this message my colleague and me suspicious. For nearly eleven, but was compulsory. Nilüfer Should not remain in Germany, the child of the involuntary relocation threat to Turkey? We decided to audition earlier this week at the Youth Office, once for this information to the social worker to pass, but for us to inquire after the progress report. What we did not know that this Nilüfer end date would be in the group. You should not even get the opportunity to be guided by other students to adopt.
Laurenburg: On the morning that I wanted to audition in the Office of the Social Worker at the Youth Office, Nilüfer met me on the way to school, she was already a few minutes late. Nevertheless, she did not hurry, but slipped with his head down and shoulders slumped like a beaten dog in the direction of school. She had not seen me and was therefore somewhat surprised when I asked her. I asked her where she had since been in recent days. She began to cry in despair and told me to be allowed to cease. They pushed me again and ran then crying to the school.
The clerk at the Youth Office was reportedly on his way to an outdoor event and admitted to me ("You have two minutes!") Despite regular talk time with an icy glance only a very brief exchange of words one. Into the room she asked me. Well, then just on the stairs. "How are Nilüfer, you know something new?" "The child is doing well I have spoken to the parents. And I had to tell them who brought the monstrous suspicion in the world. You do not be surprised if the family withdraws and breaks the contact. The mother was shocked and disappointed low as you, you were so absorbed in the family as a dear relative, may think such a thing ever! The class teacher keeps her reaction also totally excessive. "-" Do you know that Nilüfer is not registered at secondary school, "I wanted to know?. This question ignored the officer. I asked, "Is the girl pregnant?" - "You went to the doctor. That's all I can tell you this. Keep out now. "This was the call for an official end. The graduate social worker turned on his heel, leaving me without a word displayed on the landing and disappeared after outside. I was thunderstruck. So much coolness to me in life is rarely encountered.
Eppelmann: The working world of German youth welfare offices characterizes such extreme arrogance and aloofness towards the client, unfortunately, as "professionalism." Relief must be added, however, that in Germany a great restraint must be interpreted on the protection of social data (SGB I § 35), the disabled may even put the investigating police [3] , a low- and community-based approach, which may very well take into account privacy, where public interests are not violated, impossible. Precisely because of this statutory provision, the clerk would have to disclose our names, nor may.
They would have been to protect themselves legally, Nilüfer will actually summons to a medical officer. Instead, the family was allowed to consult a doctor of their choice. Maybe it was the acting talent, FOGGING and the patriarchal bastion of traditional Turkish fortress, they do everything to nothing from the family inside the Muslim world ParaIlelgesellschaft to have to spill out, not up. For these clans universal human rights apply only outside the front door.
Laurenburg: certainly were first launched, according clamoring desert threatened to no longer be denied, obvious shortcomings, much licorice rasping to play down soothingly. Fumigation operation and Taqiyya not desired, it picks up a new library. Now the alleged facts with the cultural and religious particularity is founded. If the other person still does not believe the innocent from the country the right to have that on every Doubt is raised and the righteousness in person, then bent each gutmenschelnde critics and doubters at the latest when it is said to have been the poor innocent lamb of a terrible Islamophobic propaganda and discriminatory campaign of vilification.
We organized a meeting in the Council for a supervision meeting with all those involved in the case. The pastor was in fact the counseling center. The mood was frosty, he came alone, as otherwise required by us. The excited us the invitation of the teacher, the staff from the Youth Office and a member of the presbytery, he had the words "I think this is not a good idea" easily prevented.
feature was that the minister acted during the whole conversation, just as letter carriers of messages of the school and the Youth Office, the physical presence but he has successfully prevented. Again, the priest pointed out the serious injustice that had befallen the family Yilmaz by the allegations. The demand of the psychologist, what happened to the family and the girl except the discomfort of the medical examination by the intervention of the authorities because bad things could not answer the priest. My colleagues and I predicted the psychologist after the conversation a propaganda against us all relevant institutions in the district. She was right.
Eppelmann: We are based on reports from third parties, who had known the child for years, pretty sure that after a long summer vacation Nilüfer in Turkey now lives again in Germany.
